Intelligence. Strange word in a conversation about sexuality? However, excellent pupils and lagging ones are also found in this area: those who are in harmony with desires, and others – sandwiched, bound. But there is good news. Sex, like everything else, can be learned. Whether we get “sexual intelligence” is up to us, say professors at the University of Massachusetts Sherry Conrad and Michael Milburn.
They write: “Sexual intelligence is based on self-knowledge. And this means an opportunity to see what is hidden behind cultural myths that distort sexuality, to reveal genuine sexual desires, and develop emotional and social abilities that will allow you to share your true personality with your partner. ” The authors offer three directions for action.
GET RID OF MYTHS
Our task is to get rid of stereotypes about love and sex, which clutter the imagination and are reproduced in novels and movies. Such, for example, is the idea that sex is easy, magical, and fast. The authors call this the “myth of sex at first sight”: two meet with their eyes in the crowd, a pair of passionate kisses, orgasm in the elevator, and love forever …
The key to happy sexuality is not what we do in bed, but what we do in our head when we are in bed
“Until you have identified these myths, you will not be free from them,” psychologists say. – Everyone can achieve a rich and revealing his potential sexual life if he makes an effort to acquire the necessary knowledge and sound judgments about sex. Sexual intelligence is not a matter of chance, beauty, or sex appeal. It depends on the abilities and skills that a person can acquire, develop, master. ”
REALIZE YOUR SEXUAL “I”
Eliminating cultural cliches, one should get rid of individual prejudices related to how parents talked to us about sex, in what situation we had a “first time”, with the weight of our own taboos …
“A sexually intelligent person knows that sex drive is based on a complex interweaving of associations created by our life experiences,” writes Sheri Conrad and Michael Milburn. “He can determine whether his sexual desires become substitutes for emotional needs for recognition, security, power and whether they are caused by a fear of loneliness.”
The key to happy sexuality is not what we do in bed, but what we do in our head when we are in bed. Only by observing desires that are realized and suppressed, what attracts us and what causes problems — by observing but not making judgments — do we get the freedom to choose how to behave.
Happy, revealed sexuality is not experienced in solitude. A sexually intelligent person knows how to listen and listen. He talks with a partner about his sexuality and is able to understand the personality of another.
“The idea that sexual problems cannot be expressed is one of those myths that prevent us from being aware of feelings and talking about them. As soon as the vow of silence is overcome, in conversation, you can better know the true sexual feelings and establish a mutual understanding with another. Being sexually smart means being honest with yourself and with your partner. ”
According to Sheri Conrad and Michael Milburn, “sexual intelligence, the ability to know one’s sexuality, gives a person tremendous power to transform lives. This reliable knowledge is the true source of passion; it allows you to make the right choice in matters of sex and feel good in your place. “